My beloved 6 day old son.
You lie beside me still and serene. I am only melting away with worries now. They say welcome to motherhood.
I knew the moment labor set in, that parenting would be tougher than this. So it has begun. I want the best for you. I want to name you in most beloved of ways to Allah. I want everything around you free of evil. I can’t stand shallow conversations going in around you. I have been crying over this again and again. When adults don’t act like adults, it really bothers me.
Oh whenever you read this, know that I love you. Each contraction shook me from my core. It reminded me of one thing: parenting. Tarbiyah. Leadership. The pain that a mother handles on her own and cannot even express it. The pains are wild; but the expression? The expression has to be in deep, long breaths as the OB guides. So that is life. So much turmoil hiding inside.
Yes, about gratitude. I thought I was going to die with the pain when you popped out of me. Amazing. I know you’re such a beautiful soul. And that’s the thing about pain. You get so exhausted with suffering and just when you think that it is going to last forever and you’re doomed, Allah SWT reveals the miracle decreed for you. Alhamdulilah.
You have been blessed! A healthy, normal and active child. That is such a blessing. Even during the last contraction, I was scared if you will cry or not. Allah SWT eased everything.
You are on fitrah. You are a pure soul; I have wronged myself and the purity I was born with is tainted with misdeeds.
Once again, I just want to remind you that I have my shortcomings. But I love you. The most pure form of love!