I have been thinking of writing to you since I got to know that I will be blessed with you in a couple of months. I hope and pray that one day you will be able to read these letters and know how much I love and what you mean to me.
I am really scared. I don’t want to fail as a mother. The world, its deception and its temporal nature and how it would affect you all gnaws at my heart day and night. There are some ghosts of my past that I would never want you to know, though.
I am not aiming for an obedient child, my love. I pray and hope that you are strong-willed and God Conscious. I can’t wait to tell you the stories from our Prophet’s (s.a.w) time. I just have to tell you about the courage and patience of the male and female companions. I am sorry I haven’t learned much. I am not sure how will I be able to tell you about our Creator, Sustainer, Cherisher our Rabb who has been protecting me and you despite my shortcomings. Each day ahead with you inside me, is a blessing that I fail to acknowledge everyday.
Unlike other parents, I won’t promise you each and every thing from the world. I ask refuge for you from the love of this world, worldly attachments, the love of materialistic people, narcissism and all the evils that exist in this world. You will get to know about the nature of this world after atleast a decade of your birth.
I ask our Rabb to grant you maturity, wisdom (the likes to Hakim Luqman), sensitivity and practical understanding of the deen because my child I have terribly suffered and realized that these are the fundamentals. Me and you have to know about the trials of this world and still keep intact our positive thinking and hope. I pray that I never become a trial for you and you never become a trial for me.
I pray for ease for you at every step of your life even if I am not present around, you will have these letters to read. Find comfort in them and know that I love you very much.
Allah SWT is blessing me with you in very critical times, my child.
I am broken and very scared. I pray that Allah empowers me to fulfill all your rights and be a role model for you in deen.
May Allah bless you with one of the strongest personalities and characters!