Windshield Wiper Moments!

Overthinking and overanalyzing separates the body from the mind. 

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My brother used to listen to Pink Floyd since forever and the aforementioned lyrics have been stuck in my head since a long time now. Sitting in a gathering, people suddenly notice my eyes fixed somewhere and they ask me “What are you thinking? Are you lost somewhere?”. Even in my psychology class, many a times, my teacher will warn me, “Mariam! Come back!” and *bang* your classmates fidget instead of you, like they were in a reverie!

I drown into it completely; once I start thinking about something, it is not just for hours. I just keep thinking for days!

And then, there are blank moments. How do I describe them?
Like, something was on my mind and suddenly, it gets blurred and slowly, the screen is all clean and clear! You know that windshield wiper moment? Exactly that.

My mother gets so annoyed at my blank moments! Like when I put an empty plate in the fridge or when I give a glass of water to my brother when it was meant for my dad. then, there have been those days- I got out of room and everyone in the house would just stare at me. That icy cold stare. Wait *Windshield Wiper Moment*! As a consequence of that, I must have been wearing my shirt inside out!

I’m creeping back to life
My nervous system all awry
I’m wearing the inside out

I don’t know what happens in some predicaments. Some thoughts override others and I go blank!
I just saw my Statistics marks, my last psychology exam of the undergraduate program I was enrolled in. Disappointing indeed! and then, I realized after worrying and complaining, that sitting in the exam room, I had experienced some Windshield Wiper moments!

Things that I continue thinking about consume me; mentally, physically and emotionally. They become a barrier to the empowerment of my soul. Now I remember my state clearly. I had begun my exam not with the usual prayer but this one from Surah Araf, Ayah 23:

 Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You forgive us not, and bestow not upon us Your Mercy, we shall certainly be of the losers.

It is one of the most powerful supplications! During the exam, when I was experiencing those blank moments, my mind frequently going back to this ayah from the Quran. We had a meeting with our Head, exactly before the exam. Else, I was prepared.

Whenever, I am engulfed in something on a deeper level, there is something like a Statistics exam shuffling the files in my brain’s cabinets. But anyhow, that thinking activity has always helped me. This is how I have figured things out and in life everyone does. At the expense of something else, that is.

Each situation Allah SWT puts us in, we have to make choices. What we forget is the short and long term consequences of those choices we take.

Wearing the inside out, with a heavy heart, is one of the ways we move from darkness into light, from suffering to realization, from learning to implementation!

It is especially these times, when thoughts from one compartment of my mind, collide with the other, when I realize that it is Qur’an that empowers me. Whenever I open it, it reads me. It understands me. Allah SWT’s perfect attributes and the frequently occurring weaknesses of the human being, leaves me in imperfect awe!

  Verily, man (disbeliever) was created very impatient (Surah Ma’arij: 19). 

 

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